"This always happens"

"This Always Happens" - When the Present
Starts Predicting the Future
by Ethan Zong

In the previous blog, we talked about overgeneralization from the self-perspective — how one awkward moment can turn into a global judgment about who we are. This time, we’re looking at the other side of the same distortion: overgeneralization about others, especially when we use the present moment to predict how people will always be.
 
Overgeneralization often shows up during emotional pain, when the mind quietly turns a current experience into a conclusion about the future.
 
I remember that a friend always asked me why a girl he liked didn’t reply to him. The initial feeling might be disappointment or anxiety. But almost immediately, the thought shifts to “This always happens.” Then, “No one wants to be with me.” The situation itself is uncomfortable, but underneath it, the mind is already drawing long-term conclusions based on one moment.
 
In CBT, overgeneralization is one of the cognitive distortions — habitual thinking patterns that bend reality and intensify emotional reactions. In this case, the distortion appears when we take what’s happening right now and stretch it across time, using words like always and never to describe other people’s behavior.
 
This type of thinking often leads to withdrawal, mistrust, and resentment. When we assume people will always disappoint us, it feels safer to pull back — but it also makes connection harder. The future feels predictable, even though it’s being built on very limited evidence.
 
In this situation, overgeneralization narrows our focus. It makes us ignore context — like stress, timing, misunderstandings, or different communication styles. Instead of asking what happened in this moment, the mind jumps to what this says about people in general.
 
Overgeneralization about others often follows this pattern:
One experience: “They didn’t respond.”
Global conclusion: “People never care.”
 
What CBT encourages instead is specificity — grounding our thoughts in what we actually know. That means replacing sweeping conclusions with more accurate questions like:

• What exactly happened here?
• What assumptions am I making about their intentions?
• What evidence do I have that this always happens?

 
When the thought shifts from “People never show up for me” to “I felt hurt by this lack of response,” the emotional intensity softens. The disappointment remains, but it no longer defines every relationship.
 
Just like with overgeneralization about the self, this isn’t about denying pain. It’s about preventing generalizing a moment to the entire story.
 
So the next time you hear yourself thinking always or never about other people, pause and ask: "Am I reacting to this moment — or am I turning it into a rule about everyone?"

​That small shift can reopen the door to understanding and connection.