the power of small steps

“Rome wasn’t built in a day”:
​Rethinking Goals Through a CBT Lens
by Hayden Beach

As we start to enter another month of the new year, you may be feeling like your new year's resolutions haven’t turned out the way you might have imagined. If you’re like many people, you might have had large goals and expectations for what this new year might look like, and if you haven’t quite met those goals yet, you’re not alone. 
 
There’s always immense pressure to set big goals, be productive, and continually improve. Many of us experience the pressure and unspoken expectation that we should always be improving – working towards a “better” version of ourselves. If this sounds familiar to you, you’ve probably felt the same pressure I have to start off strong and get things “right” from the very beginning. 
 
Of course, picturing our best possible selves and having expectations for growth isn’t a bad thing, but when these become too rigid or unrealistic, this is where problems tend to arise. When we don’t meet our expectations, we’re met with guilt, shame, and a blow to our self-esteem. That's why starting off small, being specific, and staying true to ourselves in the process is the key to adopting change that is more balanced, realistic, and sustainable. 
 
When we strive towards more attainable goals and lasting success, it's important to ask ourselves these questions: 
 
Is this goal specific? 

Oftentimes, resolutions can be too vague and broad for people to actually create a plan (i.e. “I want to be happier”). This is a great goal, but what exactly does being “happier” mean? What does it look like in your day-to-day life? If we don’t get specific, we lack direction and have a hard time knowing where to start. 

Am I starting off small? 

I know that the last thing you want to hear when trying to make meaningful change is to “start off small”, but beginning with smaller, more achievable behaviors is what we need to gain confidence and build endurance. 
Example: If your goal is to exercise more, start with 15 minutes of movement a day, and gradually work your way up to 45 minutes.

Does this goal align with my values? Does this goal actually support me? 

It wasn’t until I began asking myself these questions that I recognized that I was setting goals for myself that I didn’t actually want or need in my life. Instead, I was trying to achieve things I thought I “should”be doing, in efforts to conform and gain approval from others. Oftentimes, societal messages tell us what our goals should look like and put pressure on us to create certain goals and adapt to a certain lifestyle. When we see others around us practicing a goal or striving to be a certain version of themselves that is currently desirable, it may make us feel like this is what we should be doing as well. 

When setting goals, it’s important to consider if this goal is actually supporting you and aligning with your values. Oftentimes, people adopt goals related to “health and wellness” and focus on weight. If this isn’t something you need to be healthier, then it's worth considering if this goal is right for you or rooted in diet culture and unrealistic standards. If it is, chances are you might need to reevaluate. 

In CBT, we place a strong emphasis on identifying and exploring our values and what truly matters to you. Creating goals that are more values based will not only feel more meaningful, but improve your life in a way that is important to you and not dictated by others. As someone who values authenticity, I became much more comfortable and confident in who I was once I stopped trying to be what others wanted me to be and started doing the things that filled my own cup – regardless of trends or societal messages.
 
What challenges can I anticipate? 

Getting familiar with some of the resistance you might experience along the way helps you prepare for challenges and move through with resilience. Rather than being thrown off by our first challenge and deeming ourselves failures, expect that there will be setbacks and remember that this is all a part of the process. I’ve had clients get discouraged at the first sight of trouble as they strive to overcome their challenges. When this happens, clients tend to jump towards labeling themselves as failures. Instead of reinforcing this narrative, we took a look at what went well that week, and how we could adjust the steps to reach their goal to make it more approachable. Rather than deeming the goal as a failure and abandoning it altogether, we made adjustments to their plan. Something that is important to remember is that mistakes and setbacks are data, not failures. What we first view as proof of a goal not working, can actually be meaningful information. When we understand that growth is not linear, we can meet ourselves with compassion, rather than rigidity and shame. 

How do I know when I’ve met this goal? What will my life look like? 

Knowing when we’ve met the goals we’ve been working towards is how we recognize success. Once you accomplish this, what will look different in the grand scheme of things? How about your day-to-day life? What will change in your thoughts and behaviors? 

​Noticing these shifts and giving yourself the recognition you deserve helps reinforce growth and support meaningful change. 
 
Change doesn’t happen overnight. If you aren’t seeing results right away, don’t be discouraged. Does the phrase “Rome wasn’t built in a day” ring a bell? This reminds us that accomplishments are gradual, not instantaneous. Transforming broad, general goals into smaller, more specific goals helps us to break it down into steps and increases our chances of success. When our goals get specific and align with our values, they become less about proving ourselves and more about supporting our overall well-being. Expecting that there may be bumps along the way increases our flexibility and motivates us to keep going even when things get hard. If you’re feeling like it's too late to change your goals, it's not. As we enter another month of 2026, ask yourself what is one small step you can take to reach a goal that is important to you? You don’t need to wait for next year or the “perfect moment” to make the change –  you can start today.