The power of cognitive reframing

Turning “I have to” into “I get to”: 
The Power of Cognitive Reframing
​by Hayden Beach

I’ve been having those jam-packed days lately, where it feels like daily tasks and real-world responsibilities have become a heavy burden to carry. I’ve noticed that when I’m running around in between meetings or sessions, the other things in my life feel burdensome and hard to keep up with. At the end of each day, it can seem like the obligations are never-ending.  Whether it’s doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or rushing to campus to give a presentation, I realized I’d been saying a whole lot “I have to…” and not enough “I get to…”.
 
When we tell ourselves that we have to do something, we immediately associate it with dread, pressure, and responsibility. Using “get to” instead of “have to” is a simple cognitive reframing technique we use in CBT that has the power to shift your mindset and see things as opportunities instead of obligations.
 
If you find yourself saying things along the lines of “I have to go grocery shopping”, “I have to go to work tomorrow”, then this tool is for you.
 
I want you to take a moment and think about some of the things you do on a daily basis. Maybe it’s going to the grocery store, heading to the gym, or even going to work. What do you tend to tell yourself beforehand? If you’re using the words “I have to…”, chances are you’re already dreading it and feeling stressed before you even begin. But if you replace that with “get to”, it can ease that sense of responsibility and obligation. Replacing “I have to” with “I get to” is a small yet powerful way we can shift our language, perspective, and ultimately how we experience our day.
 
Many times, we don’t even realize we’re using “I have to” language. For example, public speaking has always been a fear of mine – something I have dreaded for the majority of my life. A few weeks back, I was heading to campus to give this presentation, and I noticed I didn’t feel confident or excited; I felt anxious and stuck. At that moment, I asked myself what would change if I shifted “I have to give this presentation” to “I get to share my hard work with like-minded peers who are interested in what I have to say.”

​What I love about this tool is that we can instantly feel a shift in our mindset. Once I used “I get to…”, I started to feel less stressed and more grateful, and it began to change how I showed up day to day. The goal isn’t to deny or ignore our negative thoughts or to force toxic positivity. Instead, it’s about shifting how we view everyday responsibilities.
 
Starting now, try noticing when and where “I have to” shows up in your mind. When it does, stop and reframe it to “I get to”, paying attention to how this impacts your mood. Just like any skill, the more you practice it, the stronger and more intrinsic it becomes.