The Mind-Reading Trap

The Mind-Reading Trap and How
CBT Helps Break the Cycle
by Hayden Beach

Have you ever assumed what someone else is thinking of you without having all the facts? Maybe you've assumed others' intentions and believed this to be true? In CBT, we call this mind reading, a member of the cognitive distortion family that shows up in therapy and everyday life.

Mind reading happens when we assume what others are thinking and believe this assumption to be true. Most of the time, we assume it's something negative: "They'll think I'm stupid if I ask this question." "Everyone can tell how anxious I am to present."  This negative thought pattern is all too common, and I'll admit, it's a pattern I still catch myself falling into every now and then.

For me, mind-reading comes in full swing whenever I have a big presentation. Whether I'm speaking to the team or standing in front of a lecture, presenting in front of crowds has always been tricky for me. When I'm in this situation, these are the thoughts that come flooding in: "My voice sounds shaky, so everyone can tell I'm nervous." "I didn't have an answer to this question, so they all think I'm unprepared."  When I have these thoughts, they don't just make me feel even more anxious than I was before, but they cause me to be preoccupied with the thoughts and opinions of others, rather than focusing on sharing important information with the group. As if presenting isn't hard enough, dealing with the assumption that everyone is judging me takes a toll on my confidence and self-esteem.

Tackling mind-reading:
As cool as it would be to be able to read the minds of others, the reality of the situation is that none of us has the superpower to read minds. No matter how insightful we are, we can't know exactly what someone else is thinking. Instead of letting these negative assumptions take over, CBT helps give us the tools we need to take control back and challenge these thought patterns.
Identify the thought:The first step is to notice when we are engaging in mind-reading. Asking ourselves questions like "What is it the other person is thinking?" helps us put into words exactly what we're predicting about others and see the thought more clearly.

Perspective shifting:
Imagine another person's viewpoint by asking: “If a friend had this same thought, what might I say to them?”Viewing the situation from another person's point of view allows us to look at the thought more objectively. Looking at oneself as a friend can help increase self-compassion and reduce self-criticism.

Examine the evidence:
Ask yourself what evidence you have for and against this mind-reading.

• What actual evidence do I have that supports this thought?
• Is there evidence against this?

The truth is that when we are being critical of ourselves, we automatically assume everyone else is, too. Tackling these thoughts by using these simple CBT techniques helps bring us back to reality and reduce self-doubt and anxiety. The more you practice this, the more confident you will feel.