shift the spotlight

The Only Critic in the Room Is You
by Ethan Zong

Last weekend, I went to a friend’s dinner party, and within minutes, my brain was in overdrive. Everyone seemed so relaxed and chatty, while I sat there thinking,“They probably think I’m awkward.” The more I tried to sound “normal,” the more self-conscious I became. By dessert, I was quietly replaying every conversation in my head. 

​That’s the tricky thing about social anxiety — it convinces you that everyone is watching, judging, or analyzing your every move. But in CBT, we know that these thoughts are often distorted, not factual. That’s where cognitive restructuring and Socratic questioning come in. Together, they help us step back and actually challenge those anxious predictions.

Here’s how it worked for me that night: I caught the thought, “They think I’m awkward,” and asked myself a few Socratic questions:
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• What’s the evidence for that?
• Is there another explanation for what’s happening?
• If a friend had this thought, what would I tell them? 

Once I actually answered those questions, the thought lost its grip. No one had said or done anything to suggest they were judging me. The “evidence” was all in my imagination. From there, I reframed the thought to something more balanced: “I’m nervous because I care about connecting — that’s human, not awkward.”

That small shift didn’t erase my anxiety, but it quieted it. I stayed longer, joined another conversation, and didn’t let my brain’s assumptions run the show.  If you find yourself replaying conversations in a social event, you can try this technique to quite yourself down, and also just remember that anxiety doesn’t quiet down through perfection, but through practice.