Are you worth it?...

Are you worth it?  You Decide. 

Are You Worth It?  You Decide
​by Noah Clyman, LCSW-R

Scrolling through Instagram recently, I came across a meme that said, “If you talked to your friends the way you talk to yourself, would you have any left?” It made me pause because it’s true—many of us are harshly critical of ourselves in ways we would never be to others.
Feeling "worth it" means believing you're genuinely deserving of respect, kindness, and happiness. As a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist at NYC Cognitive Therapy, I regularly see how challenging it can be for people—especially here in New York—to maintain a healthy sense of self-worth. Unworthiness, or the belief that we're not good enough, can trap us in cycles of negative choices and constant self-criticism.
Recognizing UnworthinessUnworthiness often appears as an internal prosecutor—an inner critic that scrutinizes and criticizes your every move. You might recognize thoughts like:

• Of course they got upset—I ruined everything.
• There's no point trying for that promotion; I'll embarrass myself.

These harsh judgments often become so automatic that we hardly notice how they influence our actions—whether settling for less at work, avoiding healthy risks in relationships, or repeatedly finding ourselves in unhealthy situations.
Putting Unworthiness on TrialImagine your mind as a courtroom:

• The prosecutor constantly presents evidence of your mistakes and failures.
• The defense attorney stands up for you, offering compassion, perspective, and a balanced view of your strengths.

Too often, we let the prosecutor dominate without giving our defense attorney equal airtime. In fact, we may experience our defense attorney as MIA/on a vacation perpetually! However, we can change this problem. By deliberately externalizing these voices, challenging our prosecutor, and activating our defense attorney, we can change these harsh, exaggerated beliefs. 
Three Steps to Strengthening Your Inner Defense Attorney:

1. Notice your mood change.
   Gently reflect on situations where you notice self-criticism showing up. When the prosecutor gets loud, ask yourself, "what evidence am I using? Is this a fact or a distortion? (examples of distortions might be blame, personalizing, or discounting the positives."
2. Identify outside influences.
   Consider where the critical voice originated—How old is it? Who is it? Perhaps a parent, teacher, a childhood bully, or a boss. Often, we've internalized harsh judgments from others and mistaken them as truths about ourselves. Take a step back.
3. Be your own defense attorney.
   When negative judgments arise, stop and decide: "Do I want to accept, reject, or reflect upon this thought?" Imagine your defense attorney stepping forward, reminding you that you're worthy, capable, and deserving.

With practice, you'll get better at filtering out harmful beliefs and nurturing a healthier, more compassionate view of yourself.
Next StepsDeveloping self-worth is a journey, and it takes patience—but the results can truly transform your life. If you’d like support in strengthening your inner defense attorney, I'd love to help. One powerful method is called "the trial" which originated from Trial-Based Cognitive Therapy (TBCT), a research-backed model of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Irismar Reis de Oliveira, specifically designed to address negative core beliefs like unworthiness.  
​Remember, you have every right to advocate for yourself. You are worth it—case closed.